Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
