What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
