i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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