I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
