Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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