Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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