i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
