I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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