1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
