I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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