On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
