It's Friday. Sex?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
