I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Panties = found
Randomize
