when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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