I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
