You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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