Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
