Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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