I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
