i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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