maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
