I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
