Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
