It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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