haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
