Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i love accidental penises.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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