We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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