Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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