The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
