the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
