I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
