Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
