I'm drive I can fine osifer
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
