ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
