I wanna passion pit in your ass
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
