there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
