If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
