if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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