i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
