I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
