Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
