and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
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