Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
