Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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