drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
