So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
