Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
