PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
