apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
