Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
