So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
